Get in Rotation: Get Your Sorry Ass Off The Couch!

As you read the title above, you’re probably thinking “ what does he mean by get in rotation?” You see the term is fairly simple to digest. Basically get your ass up and be assertive in whatever it is you want to do.

Being assertive will always open doors to new opportunities and possibilities in your life, career and character. For an introverted individual like me, I for a long period of time didn’t possess this attribute in my arsenal of experience. It wasn’t until a few years back that I realized I was not going to get anywhere by being nonchalant all the time and letting shit slide. Life isn’t baseball, but it is a game you can win by putting yourself in play.

Whenever I hear the word assertive I always go back to the first day someone seen me (in lala land surrounded by family and being to myself), told me to be assertive. That person was none other than my grand dad. It shook me up but I didn’t quite understand what he was saying in the moment. Unconsciously I started to speak and mingle amongst my family and later that night I noticed a smile on his face as he watched me try to be assertive.

Being assertive is by definition, having or showing a confident and forceful personality. I mean in today’s world with opportunities presenting themselves a million times over on a daily basis, who doesn’t want to be confident? Who doesn’t want their personality to shine through. It all starts with you making up your mind and going to get it, whether that be money, car, opposite sex or whatever you want in life. Go get it by any means necessary.

Many people find it extremely difficult to be assertive, whether it is in the work place, or in their personal lives. All too often, there is confusion between being assertive and being aggressive. It is my belief that you lose credibility and the moral high ground as soon as you show any signs of aggression.

There are some very simple principles to being assertive.

EXPECTATION

Expect to be listened to, you’ll be amazed at the difference there is when you are mentally prepared. Think about the lion tamer. If he shows fear the animal will know and attack.

Set clear expectations of yourselves and others; don’t expect other people to read what is in your mind. Articulate exactly what you expect from them and why.

BOUNDARIES

Creating positive boundaries is important. We all feel at our most comfortable if we know how far we can go. Take control of the situation and set out your expectations.

PHYSICAL PRESENCE

How you use body language can make a huge difference to the way others treat us. It is part of the “expect to be listened to.” Hold your head up high, be a force to be reckoned with. If you look intimidated others will be intimidating. Be careful not to intimidate others.

If you are on home territory think about how you arrange the room and plan your engagement with others. Where you sit, whether you use a desk or sit on comfortable chairs at equal height all have a bearing on how the interaction with others will work. Be careful not to give mixed messages.

If you are about to haul someone over the coals keep the situation formal.

USE OF VOICE

The tone of voice has a major impact on whether you will be heard, take a deep breath so that your voice is sustained. Think about the message you want to give. Be wary of the following: shouting , nagging , bitching and moaning. You do not need to raise your voice, simply state what you want to say in a matter of fact voice without hostility. Try it out in the privacy of your bedroom in the mirror or your phone’s camera.

Breathe properly and protect your vocal cords.

BE PREPARED

If you are prepared, you will speak with more authority, be better able to deal with the things that come up. Plan what you want to say, this is particularly important if you’re speaking to a group of people.

CREATE RAPPORT

During any introduction it is important to connect with the group you work with. Be open, friendly, smile and feel in control. It will have a positive impact on the person or the group.

THINK OF THE LANGUAGE YOU USE

It can be extremely powerful. If you start with a positive statement it sets the tone. If you constantly ask people to do you a favor they will begin to believe they are doing you a favor rather than it be part of their job. “I would like you to ……” is a better style.

REMEMBER TO THANK

If people have done what was asked it is really important that you acknowledge their effort. They will be far more inclined to put themselves out again in the future.

USE HUMOR

But appropriately.

IF YOU DO NOT GET WHAT YOU WANT

Be calm, be persistent and stay in control. Repeat what you want and why. Ask them to consider the implications of not doing as you request. Don’t threaten, bully or shout. Stick to your guns and if you outline a consequence it is important that you carry it out.

Those who find being assertive difficult often assume that everyone else finds it easy. The reality is that most people can feel anxious or wrong footed in some situations. I find it fascinating that when you talk to someone who appears supremely confident the reality is often very different. Acting confident is what makes the difference – you can do it too with a little bit of practice.